SIGH

I can't do things properly.

[[written this on the 5th of August 09 in KML - done offline.]?

Life became as ‘hell’ here back in KML. Dx Anyways. It’s been terrible. And today is only the third day after the college break! D8

Ahem. This is gonna be darn long.

At the airport, while waiting for the bags at the Pick Up Luggage area for so long (I think it was about 15 mins or more) most of the Ex To-Labuan passengers haven’t got their bags yet. And I was also like “Ugh, my uncle’s waiting for me outside!!!” >[]<;; Getting a little more frustrated when the rollers stopped more minutes later! Everyone was looking at each other with the face expression go “Huh!? What the heck? Where are our bags??” Thank God, it finally started moving again after a while – and FINALLY with our bags!!

I thanked my uncle so much for sending me back to the college. I was so sleepy, (I slept at 5.30am on Saturday – enjoying my last bits of the Internet. My parents got sick of me sitting in front of the computer 24-7.) But I needed to unpack my things and prepare for class on the next day.

Suddenly there was an announcement about an assembly on that night regarding about H1N1. GAH! I can’t sleep early tonight! Dx So, I went for the gathering. Temperatures was checked, lucky thing that I was in perfect health – seriously, I never wanna get that illness; quarantined? No way! But I was hoping (and so does everyone else) that there would be someone… just someone, who actually might already got infected with that illness! (Then the college will be closed! Hooray? 8D) Sadly, (but at the same time, thank God) no one got infected. Fuh. We were sent early back to our dorms (hooray again) because the Health Department was not able to give a speech that night, so, it was postponed to this Thursday.

Back at the dorm, DANG! NO WATER! AGAIN?? Whut the!? The first day after college break still hasn’t got any enough water? This college is really terrible I tell ya.

On the next morning, it was quite a haze in Labuan. It was also HOT. At the same time, HUMIDITY. Add some more NO ELECTRICITY! I can’t blame the college, but yeah. Really terrible being back here. AND IT’S DARN HOT. STILL no water! D:{

On that night before heading to sleep, I went out to see whether the water was already back, but NO~ it’s not back on yet. Sad. Students were still lining up to get their buckets filled at the water tank area – around my ground floor area. Then I saw some students were ‘pilling’ up at one corner of the area. My roommate was of them. She told us that there was a snake slithering that area. They made a report to the Fellow. (I wanted to see and take a picture of it, but there were lots of people, so, never mind). Maybe I could check it out on the next day. Sadly, it was already been killed and swept away the next day. Disappointment.

Things got worse when I finally realize that my pencil case was GONE! Argh. I didn’t brought it back to the room? How careless was I? (Yes, I blame myself) I think I left in the Tutoring Room. But checked back that place, I didn’t even see any light-purple fabric looking pencil case. My mood changed throughout the day. I wasn’t that talkative. I just gave simple answers like “Em”, “Uh-Huh”, “No”, “Yes”, “Oh” and etcs. Really. I had no mood. There was also an audition to join the KML Art club. I was suppose to join that. But no. I have no spirits for it.

The poster i made. T^T I want my pencil case back.

Sad. I did told my mum about my missing ‘case’. She gave me the same supporting words which I don’t really like to hear anymore. It makes me even sadder. I have no idea why. Her words were “You are strong, you know that, and you know that you can find a way to do what you need to do”. I don’t like it. I got tired hearing it. Seriously, I do. PEOPLE please, STOP repeating those same words OVER & OVER AGAIN. It’s not making me feel any better. I’m sorry, but I think it’s useless. It sounded so fake. It’s as if you don’t even wanna help me solve my problems. Even though I know, you’re not around me to help me so, but using that phrase will not work at all. I know I’m supposed to be independent about this. BUT at least, just give me IDEAS or POINTERS or HINTS of what should I do! ONE POINT IS ALREADY ENOUGH! I don’t want something that’s only been spoken and no results will come out with it.

Hazes man. -.-"

‘Why am I so serious about my pencil case by the way’ you ask? Well, for some reason, I care so much for that case. What’s not to? I have my calculator (which I’ve been holding on it for almost 4 years already), 2 pen drives (one is a 1GB and the other is a 4GB! Wargh!), my pens, pencil, an orange with an orange smell like highlighter, my favorite ruler, stapler, stapler bullets and my eraser. Argh! I’m so sad.

I had a bad tummy ache in the early morning. Added with my emotional moment over my missing pencil case, the lack and loss of water we get everyday, a little bit of my homesickness, some more the hazy-air condition we’re having right now, and the H1N1 disease spreading about. I also wanted to add the pressure I get from the homeworks I get from classes, but that’s everyone’s matter here too, so nevermind that, I guess. My roommate are being noisy right now, I don’t like it with my bad mood right now as I’m typing this now. The UPS results will be coming out soon, add it to my depression mood. Last Sunday I didn’t go to church and I’m so sad. I was disappointed that my dad didn’t woke us up that morning. He was the earliest one to wake up. I slept late, I can blame myself, but he was suppose to wake us up that morning no matter what!

[This one is for Sarah:]

Oh yes, one of my bestest and closest friend had already left KML, Sarah Leong. I got a hard full stop when she told me that for one moment. […really, it was painful.] AGH! When will these sad moments get over with!? Sarah, you were the one who told me before to hang on for a bit more when I told you I wanted to leave KML. So I hung on. But… you left first. I WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED at you Sarah. The time that we first discussed about leaving college after UPS, you told me about you telling me that you wanted to leave (and I took it very seriously) but you said you had to think about it first. I WAS ABOUT TO CRY READING YOUR MESSAGE YOU KNOW!? But I can’t, I was in a shopping mall. -_- It would be idiotic of me to cry out of nowhere there. I kept my promise not to tell anyone. The day when I had an outing with Darinie, Kero, and Ryn at CP (the one that you were suppose to join to but you can’t), I had a very difficult time keeping my mouth shut about it. I almost told Darinie about it, but still, I can’t do that. During the days of you still thinking whether you wanna change or not, I was really hoping that you would stay~! Dx I seriously anggap you like my big sister (it was because how you took care of us, and letting me sleep in your room). GAWD! We missed watching movies in your room and being crazy about stuffs the whole day, sarah. You usually be our leader about almost anything. I always thought you were the wiser one in the Twilight Group. See?! Even you created that group name. Then, you enroll yourself for the JPP. You had courage. You hoped of joining the choir when you thought you couldn’t get it. You got it. Dui, you always had the CRAZIEST ideal. Dang, you left. Missed you Sarah. PLEASE, keep in touch.. wait, every time if I say this, it will never happen. Hm… I know! Jgn lupa clubbing kita nanti? Heee~ :D My sister. :'] Miss you dear. T^T

…

Sigh.

I can’t do anything right, right now. I feel like crying as well. I was hoping that coming back here (in KML) I would make the best of my time here (I thought positively), since I was not given the support to leave this place. Yeah, I wanted to leave. Now, I lost a friend (I mean, she left here already).

I have to say, I am really, devoutly, in need for some love. I need someone to share this with and simply give me meaningful supports. I need God. Hearts for all. Sigh.

I've been in KML for 3 months already. I still wanna go home.